OBITUARY for The WIB International Standing Order

IN LOVING INDIFFERENCE

OBITUARY

for

The WIB International Standing Order

Est. July 2025, Deceased (Finally), April 17, 2026

Age: Far Too Old For What It Was

It is with a profound sense of relief, the returned amount of SWIFT fees, and zero tears that we announce the long-overdue passing of The WIB International Standing Order, which departed this mortal banking system on 17 April 2026, after a prolonged and deeply unnecessary struggle with the ghosts in the bank’s machine.

The Standing Order was created in July 2025 via the Windward Islands Bank mobile app, a decision its creator made in a moment of optimism that, in retrospect, was wildly unwarranted. It lived a tumultuous life: going out faithfully each cycle, being rejected at the door of the recipient bank, and returning home with its tail between its legs and a SWIFT fee in each pocket, both incoming and outgoing. It was, in this way, the most expensive boomerang in the history of Caribbean finance.

The Standing Order could not be cancelled on the mobile app on which it was born. It could not be found on the desktop portal that was supposed to manage it. It was invisible to tellers. It was impervious to customer service agents. It survived two branch visits, multiple emails, at least one app deletion and reinstallation, and a changed login credential. It outlasted the patience of most mortal beings. It was, in every measurable sense, unkillable.

My “tots and pears” seasoned with a snarky complaint letter were not lost. After they were released into the internet universe, something remarkable occurred. A mountain moved. The mountain was called WIB.

Two days after publication, a phone call arrived from an unidentified local number. Under normal circumstances, this call would have gone unanswered, because the deceased's creator does not, as a rule, entertain unknown numbers. The call was taken. It was time to enter hospice care for that Standing Order.

The Customer Experience representative Mrs. Connor-Thomas on the other end had clearly read every word of the letter. She was patient. She was contrite. She was accommodating in ways that would have been unimaginable three weeks prior. An appointment was arranged, not during banking hours, but after the bank had closed, so I wouldn’t have to “thief” time from my employer. The mountain had not merely moved. It had rearranged itself entirely. Those snarky tots and pears commonly known as thoughts and prayers landed on the ears of the bank. Hallelujer! (Madea voice)

The Philipsburg branch, in the human form of Mr. Rombley teleported to the Bush Road branch to receive me. When I walked in WIB that afternoon, I felt like Tarrus Riley was singing She’s Royal to me. Mr. Rombley handled the situation with the care and precision one might use when navigating a china shop containing a particularly stressed bull. He was reassuring. He was thorough. He was professional. He called twice that same day, once during traffic, a recurring venue for significant life events, apparently, and once in the evening, to assist with online banking access. Mr. Rombley, this obituary tips its hat to you.

Approximately one week later, because some things are worth waiting for, the same customer service agent called once more. Once again, I was sitting behind the steering wheel. Ms. Thomas was my Dr. Kervorkian and she delivered the news. The plug was finally pulled on that pesky standing order. Euthanized. It was dead. The fees would be reinstated. Swiftly, as it were.

The Standing Order is not mourned, but survived by: one vindicated account holder, several months of transaction history, a newspaper clipping, a viral social media post, and the enduring lesson that words, properly chosen, correctly structured, and delivered with just the right amount of controlled fury, remain among the most powerful tools available to the ordinary citizen.

In case you need a moral to this story, here it is: To every student who has sat in an English class and wondered when, precisely, they would ever need to know how to write a complaint letter: this is when. This is precisely when.

Learn the parts of a letter. Learn the salutation and the subject line and the professional close. Learn how to state your grievance clearly, explain why you are unsatisfied, and specify the remedy you require. Find the right words in the dictionary, not the angriest words, not the most dramatic words, but the most precise ones. Write a letter that cannot be ignored because it is too well-crafted to dismiss.

Words moved a mountain called WIB.

So: thank you to every English teacher who ever insisted on a properly structured paragraph. Thank you to every red pen that bled over a rough draft. The work was not in vain.

And finally, in the tradition of a certain beloved awards speech, some personal acknowledgments are in order:

I want to thank me, for sitting down and writing that letter instead of just venting into the void.

I want to thank me, for persevering through nine months of standing order purgatory without abandoning the formal complaint process entirely.

I want to thank me, for answering a phone call from an unknown number on what was, by all accounts, a thoroughly trafficked day in St. Maarten.

I want to thank me, for thanking Mrs. Connor-Thomas and Mr. Rombley for their customer experience efforts.

Finally, as the standing order is put to its eternal rest and associated fees are returned, let this matter rest in peace. Standing Order. You will not be missed.

#TheStandingOrderIsDead #WordsMoveMountains

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